This post has a subtitle called “Not On Your Life”. There was no weigh-in this week. I’ll be honest, there was no weigh-in this week because I fell off the wagon. And as I mentioned on the blog’s Facebook page, not only did I fall off the wagon, but I rolled down a hill, through a stream, and over a set of train tracks to the point where I completely lost the wagon. This week, I’m in the process of looking for the wagon. I suspect it will need some dusting off and repairs before it can get rolling with me on it again.
Now, I’m sure you’re asking, “What the hell is she talking about?” but before I answer that I have something else to say. I do not have all the answers. In fact, I have next to no answers. If you are tuning into this blog because you think that I will have the perfect answer for you I’m sorry to disillusion you. The truth is that I am exactly what the blog title is: A foodie who was, formerly fat. And, let’s face facts, I didn’t get fat just from being a foodie. I got fat making bad choices about what to put in my mouth. What I’m trying to chronicle here is my process and the great recipes that help me along the way.
Generally speaking, I do a really great job of sticking with whole foods, cooking from scratch, using organic and unrefined ingredients. I genuinely love cooking and creating in the kitchen and figuring out how to make things delicious and healthy. But when I’m tired, overworked, stressed, or depressed I still turn to food for comfort and solace and I find myself regressing to foods that are fast, handy, and filled with chemicals, preservatives, fat and sugar.
Last week sucked. I got through until Wednesday alright, but when the gazillionth emotionally draining thing of the day happened and I found myself locked out of my car outside of Target at 5pm on Wednesday evening and my daughter needed to be picked up at 5:15 from her art class, instead of feeling grateful that my husband was working from home and could bundle up The Boy into the other car, pick The Girl up at art class and bring me a spare set of keys I couldn’t muster the gratitude. Instead I retreated back into Target to avoid the drizzle and fell into the seductive arms of a bag of Cheetos.
Thursday brought with it school field trip apple picking which resulted in me not being able to follow through on any planed meals and we had take-out for dinner that left me feeling greasy and bloated. You’d think after that experience Friday would have had to be an improvement. But lunch somehow amounted to (basically) a loaf of bread, a stick of butter, and a chocolate bar… then, no dinner. Saturday involved a school fair and I found myself carrying bags of popcorn, cotton candy, french fries, and cups of creamy soups. Far too many of those items wound up in my mouth between when my kids’ attention to them waned and I gave up and threw them away. Sunday? A kid’s birthday party. I can’t even go on.
So, the weigh-in didn’t happen. Perhaps I’m in denial, rationalizing, or just being pathetic, but I couldn’t face the scale. And frankly, I don’t think it would have helped me. But now, I’m hunting down that wagon and my plan is that once I find it I’m going to dust it off and get back on. I just feel gross when I eat like this, and the goal of this whole diet wasn’t to be skinny at the end, it was to feel good both during and after. So my goal this week? Get back to feeling good.
Thanks for listening.